32 replies to this topic

[Adam]

Tried having anal sex with my girl friend last night at her house because I didn't have anymore condoms, which didn't really work out because my penis wouldn't fit in her ass. So considering she has never had anal sex before, we had to find some kinda of lube to expand her ass so I could get in, which ended up with us laughing for 2 hours. Just want to say she is lucky she can take pain, because I was trying my best to expand her ass lol. Here is how it went:

1. I didn't have condom, and I hate blow jobs because they don't do anything for me, so we decided to try anal.
2. My girl friend searched her house for lube, and accidentally gave me toothpaste to use on her.
3. Since it was so late I didn't even read the bottle, so I put toothpaste in her ass so she smelled like a winterfresh mint all night. That turned into 30 min of laughing.
4. As I was trying to expand her ass, she was freaking out the whole time laughing because she said, "Omg Adam I don't think I can do this anymore, I feel like I have to take a big shit on you but nothing is coming out, everytime you take your finger out I feel like I just took a shit, and you are going to get grossed out, there has to be a different way to get you inside me".
5. The second she said that, I just lost it and started laughing so hard I fell off the bed, hitting my head on some dumb hard bear.
6. 1 hour later we gave up, and ended the night smelling like shit, toothpaste, and day old sex   

[Connor]

wtf lol

[WeeZy]

l0l

[$iP K E D]

omg l0l

[Mash]

L000000000000000000l

[$David]

jesus christ, should've used canola oil

[$Andrew]

For flying fucks sake, you're a total tool. I feel sorry for your girlfriend, really I do.

Rules of Anal Sex:

• Lube, Lube and more fucking Lube
  
• Relax, make her feel safe and that the experience is worth while for both of you
  
• Start off slow, since it's her first time she isn't used to the feeling
  
• Don't just try one sex position - try a number which makes her feel best
  
• For the bottom, opening your arse will help for the first few seconds which you put your small penis in
  
• I'm at a loss to why you had shit everywhere, you must be fucking stupid to have Anal being going to the toilet, even if you need to go you're doing it wrong somewhere down the line
  
• Finally, never do Anal again without fucking Lube you dumb shitface

[WeeZy]

Saint Andrew, on 21 January 2013 - 02:40 PM, said:

For flying fucks sake, you're a toal tool. I feel sorry for your girlfirend, really I do.

Rules of Anal Sex:

• Lube, Lube and more fucking Lube
  
• Relex, make her feel safe and that the experience is worth while for both of you
  
• Start off slow, since it's her first time she isn't used to the feeling
  
• Don't just try one sex position - try a number which makes her feel best
  
• For the bottom, opening your arse will help for the first few seconds which you put your small penis in
  
• Finally, never do Anal again without fucking Lube you dumb shitface

THIS LMFAO

[$Furl]

Make her bite the pillow and go in dry.

[$Andrew]

Furl, on 21 January 2013 - 02:49 PM, said:

Make her bite the pillow and go in dry.

Leave, get out!